Never Everglades Rewrite
by Dede42
Summary: When Timon and Pumbaa find an egg that hatches out a baby alligator, Pumbaa decides to adopt the baby despite Timon's protests, and entertaining mayhem ensures!


A/N: Sunrise Blossom here to post this on the behalf of Dede42, who is currently rolling around on the floor, laughing hysterically once again.

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Never Everglades (Rewrite)

*Isn't it nice how Timon and Pumbaa decide to travel to new locations/parts of the world? I do. Shame they don't bring Ma, Uncle Max and the rest of the meerkats who moved into the jungle with them, but they're probably doing some boring meerkat stuff. Today, Timon and Pumbaa have traveled to the Everglades for the day. What reason? To find more rare bugs they haven't eaten yet. What else? Timon is silently following a bug across a nearby road right now as I speak. Though he really should be careful doing so since there is a big blue lorry/truck carrying lots of alligator eggs coming his way...uh oh.*

Lorry Driver Quint: (driving the lorry because that's his job) What's this?! A meerkat crossing the road?! CALAMITY! (Honks his horn) GET OUTTA THE WAY YOU SILLY MEERKAT! Oh, it's no use. He can't hear me. Guess I have no choice. I'm gonna have to swerve!

(Yeah. Quint isn't really in this episode originally since his REAL first appearance in Timon and Pumbaa's TV show is in the episode ''French Fried''. The one with Speedy the Snail. I thought I'd add him in taking a job as a lorry driver since he has a habit of changing his jobs throughout this show. Guess he keeps getting fired from his previous jobs because of Timon and Pumbaa. That's probably why he keeps changing jobs.)

*It's a good thing ''Lorry Driver Quint'' swerved in time or our favorite meerkat would've been a goner. But...wait a minute...what's this? One of the alligator eggs is falling out of the lorry/truck! Now it's bouncing over some lily pads. But where is that egg bouncing too?*

* * *

Pumbaa: (fast asleep snoring and dreaming about eating bugs as always) Grubs, grubs, grubs, grubs. (The alligator egg that fell out the lorry/truck rolls underneath the sleeping warthog)

Timon: (still quietly following the bug towards his sleeping friend) I've got you now, my pretty. (Jumps and catches the bug in his hand) GOTHCA! (The bug jumps out of his hand and into Pumbaa's mouth) Huh?

Pumbaa: (begins eating the bug in his sleep) Mmm. That was delicious.

Timon: Hey! That was MY bug! Give it back! (Looks in Pumbaa's mouth causing him to wake up) GIVE IT BACK! Y'know, I've heard of sleepwalkers but never sleep eaters. Now, exhale that bug or I'm going right in there and getting it!

Pumbaa: (now fully awake notices the egg underneath him) Hey. Timon, look. It's an egg.

Timon: Pardon me?

Pumbaa: I think an egg just rolled underneath me, Timon. See? Look at it. Isn't it the most beautiful little eggy weggy you've ever seen?

Timon: (inspects the egg) Hmm. It sure is something.

Pumbaa: And since it's found his way over to me, I shall be the one who shall hatch it!

Timon: What?

Pumbaa: I'm gonna hatch it, adopt it, and show it how to hunt for proper bugs, and teach it proper manners, and everything it needs to know about becoming a big strong warthog like me. I'm gonna be a mommy!

Timon: Pumbaa, Pumbaa, Pumbaa. If I, the brains of the outfit, aren't mistaken, this looks to me like a chicken's egg.

Pumbaa: So?

Timon: So, whatever kinda chicken is in that egg, you are absolutely not, I repeat NOT, it's mommy!

Baby Alligator: (comes out of the egg) Mommy!

Pumbaa: Son!

Timon: (facepalms) Brother.

Baby Alligator: (circling Pumbaa very excitedly and talking very fast) Mommy, I'm so glad to have you adopt me and become my mommy. Mommy, you're so big and strong. I wanna become big and strong just like you. You are my mommy, aren't you, Mommy?

Pumbaa: Of course I'm your mommy.

Baby Alligator: (looks at Timon) Then, who's he, Mommy? Did you bring him for me to eat?

Timon: What?

Baby Alligator: Is he my food? Because he sure is scrummy. Mommy, why is he so scrummy? Mommy...

Pumbaa: No, no, no. That's not your food, junior. That's your...uh...Uncle Timon! Isn't the most handsomest warthog you've ever seen, Timon? And he looks just like me.

Timon: (sigh) Pumbaa, notice the broad flat head?

Pumbaa: Yeah.

Timon: Long scaly body?

Pumbaa: Uh-huh.

Timon: Four hands and feet?

Pumbaa: Yep.

Timon: And serrated tail?

Pumbaa: Right.

Timon: And what does this all add up to?

Pumbaa: Pumbaa Junior!

Timon: (really mad now) NO! He's NOT Pumbaa Junior! He's not even a warthog! He's a chicken! And an ugly chicken at that. (The baby alligator ''Pumbaa Junior'' bites Timon's tail) GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (Begins running around panicking) GET THE UGLY CHICKEN OFF ME! GET THAT UGLY CHICKEN OFF ME!

Pumbaa: Aw, would you look at that? Pumbaa Junior's hungry.

Timon: (still running around in a state of panic) WELL, TELL HIM TO EAT SOMETHING OTHER THAN ME!

* * *

*A few minutes later, Pumbaa and the baby alligator (Pumbaa Junior) are now standing near a log where Pumbaa is about to teach his adopted son how to hunt for bugs. And if you watch this episode again more closely, Dede42, you may notice that Pumbaa Junior has already grown so big only after just being hatched in this next scene.*

Pumbaa Junior: Are ya gonna teach me how to hunt, Mommy? Ya gonna teach me how to catch my own supper so I can be big and strong and big like you?

Pumbaa: That's right, Pumbaa Junior. And it's very simple. All ya gotta do is wedge your snout under a log like so (wedges his snout under the log they're standing next to), roll it over (rolls the log over), and breakfast is served! Now, you try!

*Well, that shouldn't be too tricky for ''Pumbaa Junior'' to do. All he needs to do first is find a log and...where's Timon? Uh oh...*

* * *

Timon: (bandaging his tail that was bitten earlier while resting near another log) Oh, finally some peace and quiet...ow...without that chatterbox on the foot. (Suddenly ''Pumbaa Junior'' rolls over the log that Timon was resting on) Huh? What? (Gets squashed) OW! Spoke too soon.

Pumbaa Junior: (brings back poor Timon and shows him to Pumbaa) Mommy, I found a big juicy grub and how come he looks just like Uncle Timon? How come this grub makes a striking resemblance to Uncle Timon, Mommy?

Timon: (in a fit of rage) I'LL TELL YA WHY, YA LITTLE NO GOOD, UGLY FACED...

Pumbaa: Timon! Watch your manners! You don't wanna set a bad example.

Timon: (just glares at the audience) This is gonna be one of THOSE days, isn't it?

* * *

*Yep. It is. Anyway, dinner time! Pumbaa and ''Pumbaa Junior'' are now sitting at a big tree stump as if it was a table ready to have they're dinner. But, it would appear that Timon don't want no part in it.*

Pumbaa Junior: (looks at Timon sitting/sulking nearby an tree far away from them) Mommy, how come Uncle Timon won't join us for dinner? How come he won't be a part of the family? Huh? Huh? How come? How come? Huh? Huh? Huh, Mommy? How come?

Pumbaa: You're upsetting Pumbaa Junior, Timon.

Timon: Hmph. Why should I care? He's already bitten my tail TWICE today. I'm not risking that happening a THIRD time anytime soon.

Pumbaa: Aw, come on, Timon. Join us for dinner. I fixed your favorite. Bug stew!

Timon: (perks up) Bug stew? Where?! Gimme! I saw it first! (Runs over to the dinner tree stump/table and sniffs the bowl where the bug stew is) Mmm. That smells yummy. AND IT'S MINE! (Begins putting a LOT of the stew on his plate)

Pumbaa Junior: Mommy, how come Uncle Timon gets to eat first? How come he gets to eat first and we have to wait and wait and wait until after him? How come? Huh?

Pumbaa: Timon.

Timon: Yes?

Pumbaa: You should serve OTHERS first. You're setting a bad example.

Timon: (groan) Fine. (Serves only a tiny bit of the bug stew on Pumbaa and ''Pumbaa Junior's'' plates) There. Happy? Now, if you'll excuse me. (Gets ready to eat all the bugs stew on his plate)

Pumbaa Junior: Mommy, how come Uncle Timon doesn't say grace? How come he just starts eating without saying ''thanks''?

Pumbaa: Timon.

Timon: WHAT?!

Pumbaa: Aren't ya gonna say grace? You don't wanna set a bad example.

Timon: (sigh) Of course. Uh...yubba dub dubs, thanks for the grubs! Yeah, boy! (Begins eating the bug stew with his hands instead of a fork)

Pumbaa: Ahem. Timon! I didn't put my fork on the table for no reason. You're setting a BAD example.

Timon: (talking while there's still food in his mouth) Sorry.

Pumbaa: And you shouldn't talk with your mouth full either. And make sure and chew your food 43 times, and don't go eating the dessert first.

Pumbaa Junior: You don't wanna set a bad example.

Pumbaa: Yeah.

Timon: Grrrr...I CAN'T EAT IN THESE CONDITIONS!

* * *

*Ah, the next morning. So beautiful. So peaceful. Just the sort of morning where you'd want to take a morning stroll. And that, my friends, is exactly what Pumbaa's doing right now.*

Pumbaa: (suddenly hears a very loud echoey burp from far away) WHOA! What was that?! (Rushes over to a nearby rock where Timon is resting) Timon, was that you?

Timon: Yes. Is there a problem?

Pumbaa: I'm just glad Pumbaa Junior wasn't around to hear THAT!

Timon: Whoa, whoa, whoa. EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE me, princess...I mean ''Ms. Manners''. Are you saying you HAVEN'T belched in front of Pumbaa Junior?

Pumbaa: Of course not.

Timon: But you're the crown prince of belching. That's like your special talent or something. That was your special power that drives people away like it did in that crowd at Pride Rock, remember?

Pumbaa: Not anymore. Things are different now that we've adopted a kid and are now looking after him.

Timon: You're forgetting that nothing much different happened when we were looking after Simba when we took care of him as a cub.

Pumbaa: By the way, where is he?

Timon: Who? Simba? He's at Pride Rock being a boring dull king probably looking after some other annoying little brats, porcupines and others that they adopted as part of THEY'RE family.

Pumbaa: No, no. Not Simba. I mean where's Pumbaa Junior?

Timon: Oh. Well, we're playing hide and go see. Without the go seek part.

Pumbaa: That's not very nice, Timon.

Timon: Oh, I'll give YOU ''not very nice'' if you're not careful, ya moo...

Pumbaa Junior: (appears right behind Timon causing him to yelp) There you are, Uncle Timon. How come you haven't been looking for me? Did you forget how to play hide and go seek? Did your brain clean forget how to play? Then let's play us a different game. How about tag? (Bites Timon's tail again)

Timon: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!

Pumbaa Junior: You're it!

Timon: Why you little...

Pumbaa Junior: Catch me if ya can!

*Well, they're not gonna get very far if Timon keeps angrily chasing him round in circles over and over. Anyway, after a long endless chase, Pumbaa decides that it's time for a...*

* * *

Pumbaa: (standing next to a photo camera on a three legged camera stand) Family picture! (Begins crying tears of joy) Family picture!

Timon: (very, very, VERY grumpy now) Let's just get it over with.

Pumbaa Junior: Mommy, how come Uncle Timon is standing so far away from me? How come he doesn't wanna get close and be part of the family?

Pumbaa: Scoot in closer, Timon. You're setting a bad example.

Timon: Do I have to?

Pumbaa: Yes. (Timon takes very tiny steps closer to ''Pumbaa Junior) That's it. Little closer. Oh, very good. A little closer. Ooh. We're getting there. Little closer.

Timon: (standing a little far back from ''Pumbaa Junior'') How's this?

Pumbaa: A little closer! (Timon reluctantly takes one step closer until he is standing right next to ''Pumbaa Junior'') Perfect. Okay. I'm gonna start the timer and run round the front so I can be in the picture too. Here we go. Big smiles. (''Pumbaa Junior'' smiles while Timon gives Pumbaa a FORCED smile) On the count of three. (Presses the timer on the camera) One (rushes round the front so he can be in the picture), two, three! (Does a big smile as ''Pumbaa Junior'' bites Timon's tail again)

Timon: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (Camera flashes)

* * *

*Oooooooooooooooooooh, not a good family picture if you ask me. Poor Timon. Hasn't he been bitten on the tail by that alligator enough times this episode already? Anyway, just after that, Timon and Pumbaa are looking at this not so good family picture in a scrapbook Pumbaa found from nowhere.*

Pumbaa: He just wanted to make sure you had a smile on your face.

Timon: (sarcastically) Yeah. Sure. (Whispers in Pumbaa's ear) He's not around, is he?

Pumbaa: No. He's brushing his little teeth. And flossing too. Did you brush and floss your teeth, Timon?

Timon: (calmly) No, I didn't, Pumbaa.

Pumbaa: Why not?

Timon: (suddenly shouting) BECAUSE I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE IT?! What happened to no worries days? Hakuna Matata? Now with this kid around, we can't be ourselves anymore. Like, when we were lookin' after Simba as a young cub, we stayed ourselves, didn't we?

Pumbaa: Well, yes. But...

Timon: But nothing! Look, it's not that I don't care for the kid. It's just that we used to go hunting for bugs, spend time with Ma, Uncle Max and the other meerkats who have moved into our jungle and show them all the fun things we used to do together. Now, we have to stay home with Junior! He's messing up our lifestyle! Especially mine!

Pumbaa: But the time you and me and Junior spend together is as good as any we've ever had.

Timon: But he's NOT our kid, Pumbaa. And as much as you wish you were, you are NOT his mommy. He's a completely different kind of animal.

Pumbaa: Hey! That's racist!

Timon: Quiet. I'm ranting here. He came from an egg that appeared out of nowhere and rolled underneath you. He's an ugly chicken. And as much as we love him and unlike how well we looked after Simba, we don't know how to raise him. He needs to be with his own specie. Plus, HE WON'T STOP BITING MY TAIL!

Pumbaa: (hangs his head in shame) I guess you're right, Timon. I...(notices a letter) hey, what's this?

Timon: (notices the letter too) Well, what's it look like to you?

Pumbaa: It looks to me like a thin flexible sheet of material made of compressed fibres and used for writing on.

Timon: What do ya mean? It's just a piece of paper. See?

Pumbaa: Well, what does it say? (Gasps) It's a letter from Pumbaa Junior. ''Dear Mommy, how come Uncle Timon is so right? How come I'm not like you and I don't belong with you? I'm going to run away from home because of what Uncle Timon said. Signed, Pumbaa Junior the ugly chicken''. TIMON, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!

Timon: Hey. Don't look at me, Pumbaa. I was only saying the truth. Besides, you were beginning to agree with me just now.

Pumbaa: But he can't survive out there, Timon. It's a rugged dangerously cruel world! And he's just a little kid! He could be eaten alive! We gotta go find him!

Timon: Pumbaa, YOU HAVE COMPLETELY LOST YOUR MARBLES!

Spongebob Squarepants Narrator With The French Accent: What follows is a brief searching montage.

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*Searching montage time! And I'm too lazy to tell you about it. Basically, the duo search high and low across the swamps, in bushes, all over the Everglades and so on and so forth. That's all the information you need. Oh, and also Timon hangs a ''missing'' poster that has the not so great family picture with the words ''have you seen this ugly chicken?'' on it on one of the trees. Pumbaa is not at all amused with what Timon has written.*

Spongebob Squarepants Narrator With The French Accent: We hope you have enjoyed this brief searching montage.

(Reference to the Spongebob episode ''A Friendly Game'' where there's a brief construction montage, yadda, yadda, yadda. Speaking of Spongebob, rest in peace, Steven Hillenburg)

* * *

*Now, Timon and Pumbaa are checking maps because why not?*

Timon: Well, according to my calculations, we've searched everywhere...(notices a small pond to his right) EXCEPT FOR RIGHT OVER THERE!

*They both go over to this small little pond. Yeah, it's a very very small pond. The name says it all. Here's ''Pumbaa Junior''. Learning to swim on his back with another alligator. And he's loving it.*

Pumbaa: Aww.

Timon: Can ya believe it? He's found another chicken as ugly as he is.

Pumbaa: And look how happy it's made him. You know, Timon, you've been right all along. Junior's not a warthog. He doesn't even have and tusks. He should be with his own kind.

Timon: As racist as that may have sounded to you when I said it myself earlier, Pumbaa, me and my tail are glad to hear it.

Pumbaa: But we can't just leave him and his new friend out there all alone. Not in THIS very small pond anyway. I'd get kinda worried about them.

Timon: Well Pumbaa, don't you worry. My brain just hatched an idea that will set your mind at ease AND give Pumbaa Junior and his new friend the upbringing they deserve.

* * *

Spongebob Squarepants Narrator With The French Accent: One hour later...

Pumbaa Junior: Thank you so much, Mommy. Thank you so much for everything you taught me and showed me and learned to me.

Pumbaa: You're quite welcome, Pumbaa Junior.

Pumbaa Junior: And thank YOU so much, Uncle Timon. Thank you so much for everything you taught me and showed me and...

Timon: (trying to hide his tail so that ''Pumbaa Junior'' doesn't bite it again) Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll miss you too. Now, go on. You parent's are waiting for you.

(You know, Dede42, if you watch the ending of this episode again, you may notice that Timon sounds more like he's saying ''parrots'' more than ''parents'' in this scene.)

Pumbaa Junior: Goodbye. (Begins walking off with his new friend)

Pumbaa: So long.

Timon: Have a nice life, kid. There. Don't ya feel better now, Pumbaa? Now Junior and his new friend can be raised and taken care of by the OTHER chickens.

*Yep. It's revealed that they're letting ''Pumbaa Junior'' and his new friend live in a chicken coop in an old farm somewhere because he believes that any creatures that come from eggs must be chickens. This of course, scares the REAL chickens inside.*

Pumbaa: (hears the REAL chickens inside the chicken coop panicking) Uh, Timon?

Timon: What is it, Pumbaa?

Pumbaa: I'm starting to think that they're not chickens either.

THE END

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A/N: Sunrise Blossom here once again since Dede42 is still rolling around on the floor, still laughing, which pretty much means she enjoyed this a lot. We'll see you all again on Tuesday. Bye! R&R everyone!


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